Thursday, February 4, 2016
2/3/2016 Getting Crafty
Today I had a goal... PAINT MY KITCHEN CABINETS. Today I did not achieve that goal. I decided to do some decorating in living room. With the help from my mom.. I achieved it! I replaced those ugly vertical blinds with some bed sheets and curtains! I feel successful.
2/1/2016 Emotional Days... I'm A Women, What Do You Expect
I feel like the title says it all. I am a women. I like to cry sometimes. HAHA! I feel like this blog is for me to write about what is going on in our life and is a way for me to express our trials and achievements. One reason why I don't share my blog to the world is because I feel like this is my diary. I mean.. whatever I write hear I am sure my mom has already heard it. Same goes with Brig and his mom. Well.. Here goes my pity story.
I hate sharing my feelings. I think I get that from my mom ;) I hold in my feelings and basically talk to myself about them (kind of what I am doing right now). I know... my poor poor husband, yeah yeah. Well, This week I was having a rough week. Brig and I have been trying to have a baby for a year now. 365 days. 525,600 minutes. (Okay, now that a little dramatic). Sometimes weird humor like this gets me through expressing my feelings. So just role with me here. I know 10 people as of today that are pregnant. 3 people that just had their baby. I can be a little emotional. This is a feeling that not everyone can understand... a feeling of uselessness. (If that is even a word). From the day we are born, we are trained to be like women should be. We grow up playing mommy and baby. We work for years to prepare to be married one day. That day finally comes and everything seems like it's suppose to be. Then, one day you take that step forward and prepare to become a parent. Something that isn't all that easy to prepare for... or do in my circumstance (once again, stupid humor). And when that does not happen you are at a stump. Like what the heck am I even doing if I can't keep taking these steps forward toward my end goal. For men, they get it easy. They just have to work there magic and then that's all they have to do. But women, they got all kinds of things they have to do to prepare for a baby and to even have a baby. It's the women's job to accomplish it. I don't even know where I am going with this. A part of me wants to delete this all and throw my feelings back inside. I'll consider it. I'm at a place right now where no one close to me can understand... they can listen and throw words at me, but that does nothing at this point. Some days it doesn't even effect me and other days I don't even get out of bed. In my family, you don't cry and you don't show feelings. So, that is what I do. Well, until recently. There are days that I throw clothes on right before Brig gets home for lunch and act like life is perfect and then crawl back in bed once he leaves. There are days where I just cry and hide in a little shell. There are days where life is perfect!! And days like a few days ago, are days where I just break down. Poor Brig, yeah yeah. I know. For some reason, this day hit me the worst. I was being active around the house but bawling while doing everything. I felt alone. I felt useless. I felt heart broken. I felt it all. I was just sick of seeing all these posts about babies and pregnancies. I was just done. I was angry towards the Lord for not allowing me to have a baby. I was angry towards myself for not being able to get pregnant. I was angry towards my husband because I know he wants a baby almost as bad as me. I was even angry at my freezer for not having ice cream in it. I am telling you... it was a bad day. I left the house and went to the gym. I knew I would stop crying if I went out in public. It worked. I turned on my Grey's Anatomy and walked on the treadmill for two episodes. This was during Brig's lunch.. I felt slightly bad for being gone during it but then again just needed to get out. I sent him a text saying, "At the gym. I need a little break from the apartment." He accepts it. I mean, he gives me space. I returned home 1.5 hours later and see this on my counter. (picture below) I lost it. I sat on the couch an bawled. BAWLED. I mean... it did not fix the whole 'not getting pregnant thing'... but it helped me know that my husband gets me. I felt comfort. (Silly I know). Sometimes I get mad at Brigham because he is always so positive. ALWAYS!!! He gets that from him mom ;) I get frustrated because I just want him to say "it sucks that we can't get pregnant (me), and we need to stop getting our hopes up." But instead it's "everything will work out." "God has a plan" "We can go to the doctor and try other medications" "Just have Faith" "Just know that no matter what I love you" Stupid positive things like this. hahaha. I am laughing and crying at myself right now. Yeah, life sucks. But at least it sucks a little less when you have the greatest guy by your side. I mean.. brig understands how emotionally discouraging this is. But, physically, he doesn't. And I think that a lot of times I act like I am the only one suffering from this whole 'not getting a baby thing'. But Brig is in it too... he just doesn't cry like me. He is too positive for that. When he came home my tears turned into happy tears. Not because I accepted that I will never get pregnant... but because I accepted that some things are just out of our hands. I accepted that in a really hard way.. God has a plan for me. I accepted that I am not alone. I accepted that if I am that weird lady that hangs out with women who are older than me and have kids, then its okay. I accepted that I will get my day one day. I accepted the love from my husband. I mean.. I hate to ruin this amazing moment... but I did not actually say any of this to Brig.. I just said "You are too sweet. I love you." I feel like I want to go on and on and on about how sucky it is not getting pregnant... but that's not going to do anything. You won't understand the pain I am going through.. and it won't fix the problem. Sometimes you just have to think of the positive outcome. I mean... I am still trying to think of that, but the overall meaning is that somethings are out of your hand.. the way you respond to it is your choice, but it doesn't fix the problem. So may as well be positive and accept life as it is and not waste days crying over life. I love my husband and I know that one day he will get to be the greatest dad in the world. And I know that one day I will get to be the greatest mom in the world. And that I will get the amazing opportunity to raise a family of my own. Until then... I will be eating chocolate and watching Grey's Anatomy. (Once again.. stupid humor).
I hate sharing my feelings. I think I get that from my mom ;) I hold in my feelings and basically talk to myself about them (kind of what I am doing right now). I know... my poor poor husband, yeah yeah. Well, This week I was having a rough week. Brig and I have been trying to have a baby for a year now. 365 days. 525,600 minutes. (Okay, now that a little dramatic). Sometimes weird humor like this gets me through expressing my feelings. So just role with me here. I know 10 people as of today that are pregnant. 3 people that just had their baby. I can be a little emotional. This is a feeling that not everyone can understand... a feeling of uselessness. (If that is even a word). From the day we are born, we are trained to be like women should be. We grow up playing mommy and baby. We work for years to prepare to be married one day. That day finally comes and everything seems like it's suppose to be. Then, one day you take that step forward and prepare to become a parent. Something that isn't all that easy to prepare for... or do in my circumstance (once again, stupid humor). And when that does not happen you are at a stump. Like what the heck am I even doing if I can't keep taking these steps forward toward my end goal. For men, they get it easy. They just have to work there magic and then that's all they have to do. But women, they got all kinds of things they have to do to prepare for a baby and to even have a baby. It's the women's job to accomplish it. I don't even know where I am going with this. A part of me wants to delete this all and throw my feelings back inside. I'll consider it. I'm at a place right now where no one close to me can understand... they can listen and throw words at me, but that does nothing at this point. Some days it doesn't even effect me and other days I don't even get out of bed. In my family, you don't cry and you don't show feelings. So, that is what I do. Well, until recently. There are days that I throw clothes on right before Brig gets home for lunch and act like life is perfect and then crawl back in bed once he leaves. There are days where I just cry and hide in a little shell. There are days where life is perfect!! And days like a few days ago, are days where I just break down. Poor Brig, yeah yeah. I know. For some reason, this day hit me the worst. I was being active around the house but bawling while doing everything. I felt alone. I felt useless. I felt heart broken. I felt it all. I was just sick of seeing all these posts about babies and pregnancies. I was just done. I was angry towards the Lord for not allowing me to have a baby. I was angry towards myself for not being able to get pregnant. I was angry towards my husband because I know he wants a baby almost as bad as me. I was even angry at my freezer for not having ice cream in it. I am telling you... it was a bad day. I left the house and went to the gym. I knew I would stop crying if I went out in public. It worked. I turned on my Grey's Anatomy and walked on the treadmill for two episodes. This was during Brig's lunch.. I felt slightly bad for being gone during it but then again just needed to get out. I sent him a text saying, "At the gym. I need a little break from the apartment." He accepts it. I mean, he gives me space. I returned home 1.5 hours later and see this on my counter. (picture below) I lost it. I sat on the couch an bawled. BAWLED. I mean... it did not fix the whole 'not getting pregnant thing'... but it helped me know that my husband gets me. I felt comfort. (Silly I know). Sometimes I get mad at Brigham because he is always so positive. ALWAYS!!! He gets that from him mom ;) I get frustrated because I just want him to say "it sucks that we can't get pregnant (me), and we need to stop getting our hopes up." But instead it's "everything will work out." "God has a plan" "We can go to the doctor and try other medications" "Just have Faith" "Just know that no matter what I love you" Stupid positive things like this. hahaha. I am laughing and crying at myself right now. Yeah, life sucks. But at least it sucks a little less when you have the greatest guy by your side. I mean.. brig understands how emotionally discouraging this is. But, physically, he doesn't. And I think that a lot of times I act like I am the only one suffering from this whole 'not getting a baby thing'. But Brig is in it too... he just doesn't cry like me. He is too positive for that. When he came home my tears turned into happy tears. Not because I accepted that I will never get pregnant... but because I accepted that some things are just out of our hands. I accepted that in a really hard way.. God has a plan for me. I accepted that I am not alone. I accepted that if I am that weird lady that hangs out with women who are older than me and have kids, then its okay. I accepted that I will get my day one day. I accepted the love from my husband. I mean.. I hate to ruin this amazing moment... but I did not actually say any of this to Brig.. I just said "You are too sweet. I love you." I feel like I want to go on and on and on about how sucky it is not getting pregnant... but that's not going to do anything. You won't understand the pain I am going through.. and it won't fix the problem. Sometimes you just have to think of the positive outcome. I mean... I am still trying to think of that, but the overall meaning is that somethings are out of your hand.. the way you respond to it is your choice, but it doesn't fix the problem. So may as well be positive and accept life as it is and not waste days crying over life. I love my husband and I know that one day he will get to be the greatest dad in the world. And I know that one day I will get to be the greatest mom in the world. And that I will get the amazing opportunity to raise a family of my own. Until then... I will be eating chocolate and watching Grey's Anatomy. (Once again.. stupid humor).
Brig's new job!
I have forever accepted the fact that everyday for the rest of my life, my husband will come home and tell me at least one cool thing about airplanes. Well. Now he is taking that to a whole new level! Brig got a job working at some airplane place (can't think of the name). He fuels up the airplanes and helps with anything else that they need! His first day on the job he comes home and says that he got to help give the airplane a oil change... like what even! He was on cloud 9! I figured if we were going to talk about this all night... we better be talking about it over Panda AND Coldstone. So we did. I love my husband <3
01-22-16 Larry The Cable Guy and Too Much Fun!!!
Yes. I know I just saw my mom at Christmas... but I literally can't get enough of her. Living a few states away does not stop us from seeing each other ever 15 days... I wish this was a joke, because I sound pathetic. I love my mom... there is nothing wrong with that :) I was so happy when I heard that they were coming out to see Larry The Cable Guy and me of course. We took a girls trip and went to Waco! Emily and my mom are obsessed with this place. It was so fun to go around and see all the interesting things there! It was indeed freezing.. but we managed to survive. We ate too much and hung out all day.. well, our days didn't start until noon because we all love our sleep.
I can't decide who what more excited; me seeing my mom or my dad seeing Larry The Cable guy. They are basically brothers from another mother, if you ask my dad. The show was so much fun! It was fun to actually get out of sweats and put on some leggings ;) and get a little dressed up.
Sunday, the 24th, Brig and I went over and chilled with my parents in their hotel room.. they watched the game... I watched Greys Anatomy all day on their bed (no shame). I'm sure we all got a nap in that day too. We went for ice cream and ended up on a high speed chase. (Never a normal moment with my dad). We played blackjack on the hotel floor for about 2 hours. I love when my parents come down!! :)
I can't decide who what more excited; me seeing my mom or my dad seeing Larry The Cable guy. They are basically brothers from another mother, if you ask my dad. The show was so much fun! It was fun to actually get out of sweats and put on some leggings ;) and get a little dressed up.
Sunday, the 24th, Brig and I went over and chilled with my parents in their hotel room.. they watched the game... I watched Greys Anatomy all day on their bed (no shame). I'm sure we all got a nap in that day too. We went for ice cream and ended up on a high speed chase. (Never a normal moment with my dad). We played blackjack on the hotel floor for about 2 hours. I love when my parents come down!! :)
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