Learning As We Go

Growing up I have always imagined being a wife that did everything wives should do. I imagined being a stay at home mom and having a nice home cooked meal ready for my husband when he got home. I always wanted to have my house clean, bed made, laundry done, and basically wanted my husband to come home and just relax. December 30th, 2014, I finally married the man of my dreams and we began our life growing together. I had the perfect husband, a nice house, a vehicle, a full-time job, full-time school, and the list could go on. I look at my life and realized that I had everything a woman could want, but why was I not happy? I picked at the parts of my life that I did not like. Yeah my job was hard when it comes to working with people against my religion, but working 40 hours a week is rare for most so complaining about that made me feel selfish. I also am able to go to college online and take 12 credits this semester and I see it as a great opportunity but also as a weight sitting on my shoulders. As embarrassing as it is, I also just missed my mom... who was literally down the road. Pathetic, I know. The first time I was sick I cried to go back home to my mom, unlimited hot water, a king bed to myself, and sleep. My poor husband.. We laugh as we look back and see how far we have came. (yes it has only been 2 months) I took the responsibility to step up and provide more so we can get Brigham through school as quickly as possible, so I can eventually stay at home. Week one of marriage and I already felt this stress and anxiety on my chest. I was adjusting to the new schedule, waking up early, going to work from 7-4, coming home, cleaning the house, cooking dinner, giving my husband some attention, and eventually getting some homework done. I felt like it was too much and I had to cut out something in my life. What was it going to be? Hmm.. laundry or dinner or cleaning or homework? My priorities were a mess. Many days go on, laundry does not get done, dishes are in the sink, my house smelt, bed unmade, and dinner did not get made. Pretty sure I cried almost everyday after work and did not say much to my husband. My husband is not lazy. He did have a few problems like not putting up his dishes and keeping lights on, but he is not lazy. He lived with 5 other guys and probably thought he was actually pretty clean. I was not expecting to have a problem to adjusting with living with a man. But ohhhh I did. I hated that I was at work while he was at home watching tv or hanging out with his twin brother. His work schedule just varies everyday, so some days he was just free to do nothing. I expected to come home to maybe the dishes done or the bed made. Most times it did not happen. If I saw one dish in the sink I would cry, why? Because I took the blame and made myself feel bad for working all day and not leaving a clean house for my husband. I started to realize that I cannot keep this 4 bedroom and 3 bath house clean all by myself. After days of my husband begging to tell him what was wrong, I exploded with tears. He is so patient, like so so so patient that sometimes I get a little annoyed. He just held me and explained that if I just explained to him the problems, that he would realize more things he could do. That next day while he had a day off, I came home to a clean kitchen, made bed, and frozen pasta cooked. I wanted to cry, just this time it would be happy tears. I was in shocked on how easy it was to just say, "Hey Brig, do you mind doing these things around the house after class?" Like it is literally that easy.


I look back now and realize that for one, I am a big fat cry baby, for two, marriage is not as easy as I thought, and for three, marriage involves two people, not just a wife that has to do it all for her husband... TWO people. About two months in and I feel like we got our schedules down. Tuesdays and Thursdays are the nights Brigham has night class from 6-9:30. So Tuesdays are my cleaning days and catching up on anything I need to do.Thursdays are my school work days. I have also discovered this amazing cooking pan.... a crockpot! I make 3-4 meals on a day I have nothing to do, freeze them, take whatever meal I want for dinner, and cook it while I am at work. GENIUS! Teriyaki Chicken, Alfredo Chicken, Orange Chicken, Tacos, Enchilada Soup, and the list could go on... I praise this crockpot.. is that bad? I feel like with a meal made almost everyday, it allows me to feel like I am not totally failing as a wife. I was not prepared enough for marriage. But I do not regret for one minute. I love my husband and want to continue moving towards our future. Can you really be completely prepared for marriage? My answer: No.. no.. no. When you marry your best friend, you do not focus on everything that you actually have to do. You just focus on the love you have for him. One thing we realized is that me, my husband, and God are in this triangle and God is on the very top of this triangle. Everything we do needs to involve our religion and we cannot get through this without our Savior. We found that kneeling together every night, thanking Him for everything, is what needs to be done. Paying tithing needs to be done. Attending all THREE hours of church needs to be done. Scripture study needs to be done. We revolve our world around God and things suddenly start getting better. I am amazed at how quickly things got better when my husband and I started getting our priorities in line. I have friends who are getting married soon who ask me how it is. I use to say emotional, but now I am just speechless with words. Marriage is worth every tear I have shed.. (silly, I know) But being able to wake up to my best friend everyday is the greatest blessing. Learning together more and more about each other is amazing. Having long conversations discussing our future is amazing. Even sitting on the couch holding my best friend's hand is amazing. Every little thing about marriage is amazing. I have turned the way I see everything. One bad thing that happens is just a bad hour or maybe a bad few hours; Not a bad day where I need to come home and be annoyed with my husband, for something that happened at work. I love feelings, hate expressing them, but love just typing about them. It gets things off my chest and also makes me realize I have so many things to be grateful for. I decided to create a blog where I can share what I have learned and to have all these memories typed out, basically a journal. Here's to the silly moments I have had and many more to come!